Governor’s wife keynotes talk on domestic violence awareness

  • Published
  • By Patty Welsh
  • 66th Air Base Group Public Affairs
HANSCOM AIR FORCE BASE, Mass. --  Two very different women came together to discuss domestic violence and efforts to stop it during an awareness event at the Hanscom Conference Center here Oct. 11.

Erica Stankiewicz, a former military spouse and survivor of domestic abuse, emphasized some of the statistics.

"One out of every three women and one out of every nine men will be abused," she said. "More than three women are murdered every day by a husband or boyfriend."

Sharing her personal story, Stankiewicz said it's easy for others to ask, "Why don't they just leave?" but the reality is much different.

In her case, she was in a state where she didn't have any friends or family. She has four children and thought she would be left with nothing.

Also, in many cases, including hers, the abuse was not only physical, but mental, which diminishes self-esteem and the victim begins to believe what they are being told. Stankiewicz told the audience a very moving rendition of the day that resulted in her leaving.

"In my case, I made the decision to be a role model for my girls. I chose not to be a victim; I was going to be a survivor. "

She added that the military talks about resiliency, but her definition of success is getting up and carrying on. Stankiewicz is currently employed and is a single mother working to make a good home for her family.

Diane Patrick, lawyer and first lady of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, provided the keynote remarks, highlighting some of the same topics that Stankiewicz brought up and sharing her own personal story, as well.

"The stories are not unique," Patrick said, mentioning how she once volunteered to help paint cutouts, called "silent witnesses," which were placed around the room representing victims who didn't survive. "There were hundreds of these cutouts."

She talked about how domestic violence abuse is often kept silent, and is often thought of as something that is kept within a household.

"People are embarrassed or afraid of the consequences," Patrick said.

Relaying her personal story of being in a "very difficult" marriage, she talked about how sometimes outward appearances can be deceiving.

"I pretended to everyone - colleagues, neighbors, my parents," she said.

Echoing some of the same information Stankiewicz brought up, Patrick talked about how the abused feel hopeless and helpless.

"You're afraid, and you're told to be afraid," she said.

She said meeting Deval Patrick was her first step to getting out.

"He listened to me, told me not to be afraid and to believe in myself."

However, as her ex-husband stalked her even after she left, she constantly looked in the rearview mirror until after he passed away.

Both speakers stressed that domestic violence is a classless act which can affect anyone, no matter their race, religion or socio-economic status.

"Domestic violence is a challenge for the entire community," Patrick said, "And success is about changing attitudes.

"Victims lose their voices so we need to join forces with our collective voices."

Chief Master Sgt. Baird Stiefel, senior enlisted advisor, who closed out the event, said that personnel need to go past being aware of the issue.

"We need to take action and make a difference," he said.

The event was organized by Hanscom's Domestic Violence Awareness Month Committee. Matt Nicoli, from the Family Advocacy Program, said the event would have not been possible without the hard work of the committee to bring attention to domestic violence awareness and prevention.

At Hanscom, if you are in a situation where you need assistance, contact the Family Advocacy office at 781-225-6385.